08 December 2010 @ 12:40 am
Title: Love Light
Length: twoshot (1/2)
Pairing: ot5, implied YunJae, super brief implied YunChun
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: cannibalism (not detailed but still...)
Genre: angst, romance (yes romance. In a twisted way), horror
Disclaimer: this is pure fiction. I don't make any profit with this.

author: [livejournal.com profile] abcdefghiluvyou

Summary: “There was love in his life. It embraced him, kissed him, wherever he went. It was in the air that surrounded him and which he breathed in, but most importantly it was there whenever he was alone and closed his eyes, right in front of him in the form of his platonic family. Their shadows, or...echos of them, since all five of them were so close, had reached so deep within their shared togetherness that even when they were apart Changmin never quite felt alone. It was the way love, unconditional and altruistic, had touched too deep to not leave a sign deep inside of all of them.”

Love Light

One night, Changmin woke up with a jolt and wondered why.

The silent drip-drop of rain against closed windows was the only sound he could hear, still he was sure it had been something else he had woken up to than those tiny droplets against glass.

He silently sat up in the darkness of the bedroom he shared with his fellow band members, dark eyes resting upon each curled-up outline under heavy bedsheets.

It took him a moment to realize that Junsu was staring back at him.

Changmin carefully climbed out of his bed, shivering in the damp cold outside the cozy warmth of his duvet. From the corner of his eyes he could see Junsu silently sitting up. He made his way to the older boy, noticing how Yoochun, whose bed he had to pass first on his way to Junsu, stirred in his sleep, long lashes fluttering against his pale cheeks.

He felt Yoochun sleepily sitting up behind his back, most probably just as confused as Changmin about what had made him wake up in the middle of the night. As Changmin sat down on Junsu's bed, he could hear Yunho waking up from across the room.

Changmin hugged his knees to his chest and wordlessly watched Yoochun and Yunho making their silent way over to Junsu's bed, only to sit down beside them a moment later.

The four of them stared at each other in confusion, but no words were shared. Everyone was deep in thoughts as to why they happened to sit together on Junsu's bed at night in the darkness of their bedroom.

A moment passed, then another and eventually it was a tiny intake of breath that made them all jerk back to the present and out of their confused minds. Four pairs of eyes glanced through the bedroom in wary alert, eventually falling upon the only member still dreaming peacefully while wrapped in sleeps gentle embrace.

Jaejoong's breathing was light and silent, barely audible, but every other sound was suddenly dulled, there was nothing else than those soft intakes of air and Changmin felt the others tensing beside him. There was a faint light shining from Jaejoong's pale skin, it illuminated the night and it called for them, a silent whisper in the darkness, a pull on their bodies to come closer, to touch maybe, to love-

They all stood up from Junsu's bed as if on cue, wordlessly but with a strange sync making their way to the sleeping fifth member's bed.

Changmin could feel, hear, see everything, a strange sensation washing down his spine, tingling his skin, itching, as he felt something deep within him moving, curling, spreading in the air -entrancing him first, then Junsu, Yoochun and finally Yunho.

They silently stood around Jaejoong's sleep-curled form, the man not hidden by his heavy bedcovers since he had a habit of rolling the whole duvet into a giant pillow his whole body clung onto as soon as he started to dream. Yunho always said it was cute, Changmin knew better than to disagree.

But he knew Jaejoong did this in his incomprehensible need for human contact, knew Jaejoong did this because of his barely bearable loneliness the man felt even when being constantly together with the other four.

To Changmin it was a constant mystery as to why Jaejoong felt the never ending need to be surrounded by people and to be loved by them, especially when love was something Changmin never really had desired for himself.

There was love in his life. It embraced him, kissed him, wherever he went. It was in the air that surrounded him and which he breathed in, but most importantly it was there whenever he was alone and closed his eyes, right in front of him in the form of his platonic family. Their shadows, or...echos of them, since all five of them were so close, had reached so deep within their shared togetherness that even when they were apart Changmin never quite felt alone.

It was the way love, unconditional and altruistic, had touched too deep to not leave a sign deep inside of all of them.

Changmin felt like suffocating on love and couldn't understand Jaejoong's need to feel more.

From somewhere Junsu licked his lips and the small, wet sound had Changmin snapping out of his thoughts. He quickly glanced in all his older members' eyes and saw them motionlessly staring down at Jaejoong, something heavy in the air, something unreadable in their expressions Changmin couldn't make sense of.

Yoochun looked up and met his eyes, and in those large and dark orbs Changmin saw his own face reflected, just as unreadable, just as untouchable in a sense. The young boy tilted his head in confusion, and then Jaejoong moved and the darkness of the room pulsed.

It was as if a heavy suction pulled all his senses to the faint glow of alabaster skin in the blurring of the darkness. There was a silent moan, the velvet of a tongue against dry lips, silken hair rustling between soft skin and the cotton of a pillow, and Changmin's mouth was suddenly dry, his eyes stinging, every muscle in his body tense and twitching, hands fisting into something akin to claws.

He did not need to turn his body to the other three to know that they looked just the same as him, and then the strange tingling sensation in the suddenly too thin air was back, dancing it's feather-light touching way down his back, and something in Changmin arched.

The boy let his eyes rest upon Jaejoong's face, his gaze following the gentle curve of a beautiful jawline up to the perfect bow of an external ear. Changmin imagined soundless music forming, twisting in the air, finding its way into Jaejoong's dreams through a translucent thread on which music scores were strung like beads on a filigree jewelry. Just as precious.

He swallowed as a little moan sliped past Jaejoong's saliva shimmering lips, the rosy tip of a tongue running gently over a pulsing lower-lip.

Changmin could feel the air tightening with tension, both Junsu's and Yoochun's breath hitching, while Yunho's eyes hardened from across where Changmin was standing beside Jaejoong's bed.

Jaejoong's fine eyebrows furrowed slightly in his peaceful sleep, the boy unaware of the nervous anticipating passing through each his band members' bodies.

It was Yunho who moved first, who bent his legs and carefully sat next to the sleeping boy, his body tense -a sharp contrast to Jaejoong's relaxed posture.

Changmin watched with unsure eyes how Yunho's delicate fingertips reached out for Jaejoong's clear skin, how his index rested against Jaejoong's jawline, before carefully sliding up and down.

Jaejoong moaned in his sleep and Changmin felt Junsu and Yoochun tensing their bodies, before they sat down on Jaejoong's bed as well.

Changmin was left as the only one still standing, but he felt no need to follow, not yet.

He looked down at his members, and as he watched them watching Jaejoong with their dark and unreadable eyes, as he saw them reaching out for the oldest's pale skin, as he noticed the soundless shift of gravity within their silent circle, Changmin understood for a split second where this was heading to and what was about to happen in front of his eyes.

Horror licked up his spine, something hot flooded his veins and his mouth was suddenly so dry. But then he blinked as bottomless, large eyes looked up at him, and Changmin quickly bent his body to sit beside Yoochun as if giving in to a silent command in Yoochun's silent eyes.

The moment he sat down, the moment he completed their little circle and became a part of it, the power of being an omniscient observer left him, but strangely he felt no regret as soon as his hesitant fingertips brushed over Jaejoong's ever cold skin.

They were silent, because there was no need of using words, as they wordlessly watched Yunho's hands pressing against Jaejoong's cheek lovingly, caressing the soft flesh until Jaejoong woke up from the touch with a confused sound.

Jaejoong's long eyelashes fluttered, his big eyes unfocused and hooded as he stared unseeingly into the darkness of their bedroom, before he blinked again in sudden irritation, eyes focusing on the face closest to him. Yunho's face.

Jaejoong carefully sat up, eyes glancing up and down Yunho's calm body, head titling in concern after a while. Kind-hearted Jaejoong, who thought that something was wrong, who thought that maybe Yunho had woken him up because he or someone else needed help.

But everything was good, in fact, Changmin had never felt a moment more right and consistent than the second Jaejoong's eyes had fluttered open to mark the beginning of the reason why he and all the other had woken up in the middle of the night, only to come together around Jaejoong's sleeping form.

Changmin could see the question-marks in Jaejoong's eyes before the boy parted his lips to voice his confusion, but before Jaejoong had even the chance to make a single sound, Yunho's large palm stroked down the older boy's cheek, only to stop at his parted lips for a second. Jaejoong blinked, but kept motionless, silent wonder passing his eyes, but he trusted Yunho.

Yunho watched Jaejoong watching him, and something deep passed his facial features before a warm and kind smile spread on his lips.

Jaejoong felt soothing calm embracing his heart, love wrapping its warm-numbing arms around him in a gentle embrace, before Yunho's hand suddenly slipped, the flat of his palm above his mouth out of nowhere, covering his lips, pressing firmly against the older boy's mouth.

Changmin knew Jaejoong's lips to be parted behind Yunho's hand in surprised confusion and that knowledge about Jaejoong made him smile, the youngest boy's lips stretching to copy those of Yunho's, again feeling how Junsu and Yoochun followed.

Jaejoong's irritated: ”Yunho...?” was muffled behind Yunho's large hand, but Changmin saw how Jaejoong's confused eyes rested upon Yunho for another moment, still so trusting, before they quickly darted around the room, widening as the boy noticed all his members, not only Yunho, sitting around his body.

He made another confused, but muffled sound, which melted into an annoyed huff as he turned his eyes back to Yunho, who wasn't releasing him.

It confused and irritated Jaejoong, but still the older boy did nothing to fight off Yunho's hand, still he did not understand the gravity of what was about to happen to him.

To Changmin it was clear that Jaejoong was upset about the hand against his mouth hindering him from speaking, but Yunho only smiled lovingly and looked down at Jaejoong's annoyed face, his eyes still warm and gentle when he pressed harder against that surely pouting mouth.

The force of the pressure had Jaejoong's body back against his bed with a muffled scream and Changmin could see the oldest boy's eyes widening even more as he lost balance, hands reaching out for Yunho reflexively as he hit the mattress with a dull thud.

As soon as the older boy lay flat on the mattress Yunho's second hand came up and stroked down Jaejoong's cheek admiringly, his smile widening as Jaejoong trustingly closed his eyes, enjoying the small touch of affection in this confusing moment- before Yunho's hand closed over his nose, cutting off his only airway left.

Changmin felt strangely calm, as if something lukewarm washed down his spine, enthralling him and thrumming through his veins when he heard Jaejoong's panicked shout behind Yunho's hand. He felt himself relax in his sitting position, heard Yoochun and Junsu sigh in content and saw Yunho's eyes soften while Jaejoong started screaming behind Yunho's hand.

Still, Jaejoong only started fighting when breathing in air wasn't possible for him anymore- only then did the naive boy realize that something was wrong.

His feet started kicking in the air, his body struggled in Yunho's strong hold, squirming to get free. His arms came up to fight Yunho's hands as the boy finally realized what was happening to him, and Changmin chuckled silently, eyes impossibly gentle at the pure display of credulity, amused in a strangely indulgent way, because Jaejoong was so incredible slow.

The older boy must have heard him though, because Changmin watched the agonized face twist and turn to the side under the pressure of Yunho's palms, huge black eyes frantically locking with Changmin's, but the younger boy only smiled when he saw the panicked disbelieve in Jaejoong's suddenly tear-blurred eyes.

Jaejoong screamed again, fought for oxygen, for his life, as he slowly suffocated. His body trembled, his big eyes poured tears full of shock, full of disbelieve that this was happening to him, while his band members motionlessly watched his life slowly slipping away from him.

It was a matter of a few minutes, but to Changmin it felt like a blissful eternity spent in cotton-dulled silence.

He watched Jaejoong's sweet face twist beneath Yunho's large palm, saw how cold sweat run down his temples, watched how Jaejoong's eyebrows pressed together in desperation, how tears still leaked from his tightly closed eyes.

Jaejoong's fingernails bore deep inside the flesh of Yunho's hand, but Yunho only smiled- a perfect copy of the soft smile they all had on their lips, his eyes still gentle as he watched Jaejoong sound- and helplessly dying.

All four of them released a breathy sigh in unison as Jaejoong's body jerked for a final time, before it went lifeless under Yunho's hands.

After a short moment, Changmin bent his long upper body forward against Jaejoong, and more felt than saw Yoochun and Junsu imitating him, their hands reaching out for Jaejoong, caressing his skin, touching his lifeless form.

They leaned back as Yunho leaned forward, his lips brushing Jaejoong's tear-damp cheeks lovingly, before he pressed a small kiss against Jaejoong's lifeless lips.

For a small moment, they watched Yunho caressing Jaejoong's face in silence, before Yoochun's hands reached out for Yunho and gently pulled him away from Jaejoong. All four of them let their eyes rest upon their oldest member's unmoving form, their gazes wandering over pale skin, lush lips and tear-clumped lashes, the boy still so beautiful even when they had cut him off the living just a few heartbeats before.

As they sat in silence, with the faint glow of Jaejoong's pale skin illuminating the darkness around them, a deep calm embraced their content bodies.

Changmin's eyes were quickly glancing around the small circle he and the other three were forming, before they came to rest upon Jaejoong's motionless form.

And quite suddenly, Changmin felt a yearning deep inside his heart like he never felt before. His eyes glanced upwards at Jaejoong's peaceful face and he wanted nothing more than to reach out for that pale body, to cradle it in his arms and never let go- but this was so unlike him and Changmin's entire being recoiled from the alien thought, the aftertaste, the burning sensation it left in his heart confusing him- ...leaving him restless though.

The faint light from within Jaejoong's body pulsed and Changmin snapped back and out of his trance.

As he looked up and glanced into his band members' faces again, he saw the longing, the need to possess in their eyes too, and part of him was relieved that he wasn't the only one with those strange emotions running through his numb body.

Changmin leaned back and waited for his band members to find their way back to the here and now, to sort out their strange desires inside of them.

Somehow unsurprisingly, it was Yunho who came back first, and later Changmin wondered if maybe Yunho actually hadn't lost himself to his emotions from the very beginning.

He cleared his throat and immediately Yoochun's and Junsu's dark eyes rested upon him.

There was something deep in Yoochun's eyes, equivalent to the strong emotion passing Yunho's and before Changmin could even part his lips to breath a whisper into the night, Yoochun wordlessly bend forward on the bed, his lips first brushing the long and lush lashes around Jaejoong's closed lids, before he pressed his lips against each closed eye in earnest, tongue coming out to trace the crescent of his lashes.

Changmin felt Yunho tensing beside him, but when Yoochun looked up and met Yunho's silent glare, the now oldest member relaxed back, something deep tingling in the air around them and Changmin understood.

There was no room for possession and jealousy in a moment full of love.

Yunho might love Jaejoong with all his heart, but Yoochun was part of Jaejoong's soul.

They watched in silence as Yoochun carefully took one lid between his index and thumb to pull Jaejoong's left eye open, and how his tongue licked over the non-responding orb.

There was no sound, no gasp of disgust or scream of horror as Yoochun lovingly licked and then sucked on Jaejoong's eyes, first the left, then the right, before he carefully pulled the eyeballs out of their sockets to close his lips around them.

Changmin watched with the knowledge of intruding an intimate moment heating up his cheeks, how Jaejoong's lids closed over empty sockets and how he shed silent tears of crimson red.

But his eyes, not only the window, but also the shelter of his precious soul, since Jaejoong's vulnerability, his thoughts, his dreams, his everything had always laid so openly in the depth of his eyes, were swallowed down Yoochun's throat. They slid down the protective heat to deep-dive within Yoochun's being, their souls connecting and becoming one as Jaejoong melted deep inside the other boy.

As Yoochun licked his blood-stained lips free of Jaejoong's essence, translucent tears trickled down his cheeks.

In that moment, Changmin wanted nothing more than to ease the painful clenching in his own chest with pulling Yoochun into his arms. Frail Yoochun, emotional Yoochun, vulnerable Yoochun, who would now that the love of his life, the other half of his soul had become a part of him, maybe break under the heavy burden of love just like Changmin had felt like suffocating from it for so many years long.

It was Yunho, who held them all together in a way they all could lean back with their eyes closed and trust embracing their hurting hearts, who reached out for Yoochun and held him close, his lips closing over Yoochun's fluttering lids, before the man pressed his lips against Yoochun's, rubbing them against the numbed flesh in silent comfort.

Changmin saw how Yoochun's hands slowly, hesitantly came up to clutch at Yunho's shirt, bloodied fingertips pressing against the cotton, seeking comfort.

When Yunho leaned back and cupped Yoochun's cheeks with his warm palms, the very palms that had pressed against Jaejoong's helpless mouth just minutes before, they promised safety and warmth and love, and Yoochun closed his eyes and leaned his head against Yunho's chest, his lashes fluttering and kissing the pale apple of his cheeks while he listened to the steady beat of Yunho's strong heart.

Maybe it was because there now was a part of Jaejoong living inside Yoochun, melted within Yoochun's very being, never able to run away and therefore truly belonging to Yoochun forever, which made Changmin see it, but Yoochun had never looked more beautiful, more complete as in the moment Yunho's arms closed around his shaking body.

Changmin understood that there were different kinds of love as he looked into Yunho's eyes. Maybe now Yunho loved Yoochun in a stronger sense than he had before Jaejoong had become a part of the younger boy. Maybe that was what this night was about.

Yoochun had loved Jaejoong with all his soul- his purest way to love someone else beside himself. They all had loved Jaejoong -and when Changmin's heart started to beat painfully against his ribcage, he felt himself suffocating on his love once again.

They had loved Jaejoong.

Yunho with all his heart, Yoochun with all his soul, Junsu maybe with all his strength and he, Changmin, with everything inside of him he knew capable of loving someone else. But as much as they all had loved him, as much as they all had been loved back by Jaejoong, it never had been enough.

Loving someone like Jaejoong, a person who loved the world and who wanted to be loved back by the world, and wanting to have Jaejoong all for oneself, possessing him in a way no one else was able to...they all had come to learn that it wasn't possible. Not without capturing the boy, breaking his wings, keeping him locked away from the world, making sure that he couldn't run away from them, and then making Jaejoong a part of themselves.

Yunho might have loved Jaejoong with all his heart and body, but he never had owned the beautiful boy in a way they all had desired to own him all for themselves.

But by loving him and making sure that he wasn't able to run away from them anymore, by devouring him and melting his essence, parts of him most loved by each of them, within their bodies, they made sure to have his love all for themselves forever.

Changmin leaned back and watched Yoochun sleepily leaning against Yunho's chest, his fingers still clutching on the older boy's shirt.

And as he watched Yoochun leaning closer against Yunho's body, as he saw the love glowing in Yunho's eyes, as he noticed the gentleness in the way Yunho's arms wrapped around Yoochun's frail body, Changmin had never felt more warm and content in his whole life.

There were different kinds of love. Just this heartbeat, there was so much beauty and love and wholeness within Yoochun, and Changmin felt a faint echo of togetherness embracing him, but he wasn't a part of it yet, the feeling so fleeting and faint that it left Changmin yearning from the inside.

He watched Yoochun in Yunho's arms and wanted nothing more than to love Yoochun too this instant.

The faint light from Jaejoong's motionless body shimmered, and for a split second, and for the second time of this night, Changmin had a feeling of knowing everything, of seeing everything- where this was leading to, why this was even happening-

...before Junsu made a small breathy sound and leaned forward to press his lips against Jaejoong's mouth.


A/N: This is only part one of two. I'll upload part two (hopefully) around next week :)

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