07 October 2013 @ 02:45 am
Find Me chapter 4 B.1  
Title: Find Me
Length: 4b/5
Pairing: MinJae, YooSu
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Vampire, (former chapters: slavery, underage-sex, rape, abuse, violence, gore, blood)
Genre: horror, violence, tragedy, dark angst, taboo-themes
Disclaimer: this is pure fiction. I don't make any profit with this. story still belongs to me.

author: [livejournal.com profile] abcdefghiluvyou

Summary: “You will have to choose, Jung Yunho, choose wisely.”

Former parts:

Chapter 1: (A/B)
Chapter 2: (A/B)
Chapter 3: (A/B)
Chapter 4: (A/

Find me

Jung Yunho was born the first and only son to a rather conservative couple of upper middle class Korean parents.

Up until a certain point in his life, he had always been a pretty average boy: He had lived through his happy days of childhood, entered school and had all the average dreams a boy his age dreamed of during various stages of growing up and maturing.

When he entered junior high, there was a short time he had dreamed of becoming the world's best dancer. He joined a club, experienced the utter delight of his limbs surprisingly working magic, before his father quite literally beat every dangerous and stupid idea of dance and music out of his young head.

In high-school, three years after his father had started talking him into becoming a lawyer, Yunho dedicated himself to his studies, determined to get accepted into the best university possible to make his never content parents proud and to leave his younger sister a tiny bubble of freedom built on the possibility that if maybe when he succeeded in becoming what his parents expected him to be, they would at least let his sister decide for herself what dreams she wanted to chase after.

He entered Seoul University with flying grades, the utterly admired top of the top, finally right there at this one place for which he had worked so hard over the last years. He stood straight and with his head proudly up. But then, out of nowhere, or maybe from deep within him, hidden until the very moment the world lay in his palms, there was this strange moment, a university registration paper in front of him on a desk, pen in his hand, in which he was supposed to write down in the blank what he wanted to major in.

Law and economics were right at the top of the list, but his fingers nervously played with the pen, hands slippery, heart beating loudly in his ears when the tip of the pen rested upon the linguistic section.

Before Yunho was able to stop his hands, they already directed his pen to fill the blank with his choice to study ancient linguistics and his body let out a heavy, deep sigh which he wasn't really able to hear, a feeling like he had just run a marathon thrumming through his body when he handed in his decision to the official registration center.

To say that his parents had been less than thrilled when they got the news about their son's sudden decision to ditch law would have been the understatement of the millennium. The following years Yunho felt like he would be able to feel the sting of welts his father had put on his back forever and in those moments he even felt some kind of relief that his parents had cut all ties with him and had disowned him as their son.

At least his sister was already singing and dancing in one of Seoul's biggest music academies as a trainee, so Yunho felt no regret when he packed his things and left his parents' house forever.

Standing by his impulsive decision, Yunho dedicated all his energy and time to his studies, earning himself a lonely spot at the top of national rankings year after year. And before he even realized it, three years were already over and he was offered an internship.

It seemed to come from nowhere, and Yunho was more than a bit confused and frustrated with it. His frustration, however, changed into utter disbelief and then fascinated, even reluctant awe, when he visited his dean in his office for advice. Many moments after a tense silence over a cup of strong tea, the elderly professor hinted with very careful words that Yunho might have received a special internship -one, the professor silently told him, which bordered on being an urban legend.

His professor didn't even try to make his explanation sound valid, the whereabouts and information he knew about Yunho's internship too vague and mysterious. He refrained from trying to explain everything with many words and proofs, only telling him with closed eyes:

“Mr. Jung, of course I could be wrong, but it seems to be one of the legendary, myth-enshrouded and very, very rare internships only the best of the best once a century are offered by an unknown, untraceable party. What little is known, is that they are interested in teaching a long lost and entirely forgotten language no one really knows about to a few chosen. I would highly recommend you to accept the offer -even though I can understand that you must feel puzzled-" He paused at that. "…or more like suspicious and reluctant, i can imagine.” He then mumbled to himself.

...Yeah. Right. Yunho thought, but not a muscle in his face had moved.

Yunho looked at his dean with carefully neutral eyes and did not known what to say, in fact after more hours of talking and silently absorbing the few information his dean was able to give him, Yunho wasn’t even sure anymore if the old man was in his right mind. When Yunho finally stood up and bowed down respectfully to leave for his room, he wasn’t sure what to make of all the things his professor had told him.

The two cups of steaming black tea he had had in the dean's office were heating the blood in his veins, and he felt his head spinning, his long legs picking up speed to reach his home faster.

Yunho collapsed exhaustedly on top of his unmade bed, arms reaching for his pillow to throw it over his head. With only the steady pulse of rushing blood in his ears, he suddenly couldn’t suppress a snort.

For someone who claimed that this “urban legend internship” was something no one really knew something about, his dean had been able to tell him a whole lot. Yunho snorted again and slowly pulled the pillow from his face. Breathing in the slightly closed yet thoroughly familiar air of his room, it was easier for Yunho to calm down his confused thoughts and reluctant emotion.

He blinked slowly, hands reaching for the pillow again to pull it under his head this time, his body shifting on the sheets into a comfortable position. He categorically went through his thoughts again.

A legendary, mysterious internship only offered once a century? Of course. -he snorted again. How come the dean knew about it if no one had ever heard of it? (though silently, Yunho admitted to himself that his dean kind of looked a century old) But what lost language? Yunho had studied or at least stumbled across each and every long lost and dead language listed all around the world. There just wasn't much mystery left when it came to ancient languages.

Yunho drifted into an uneasy sleep with his thoughts still spinning around in his head. Dream of lurking darkness welcomed him and in his sleep Yunho was struggling with a sudden send of bad foreboding. Fear clutched his insides, made his stomach drop and his blood run cold as he was running from stretching shadows. They seemed to come from deep within him, twisting and curling around him, darkness singing in the blood rushing through his veins as he tried to find his way back to the world he knew.

Later, he woke up with cold sweat running down his spine, and the instinctive urge to walk back to his dean's office with the intention to decline this more than dubious offer, not willing to believe something that unlikely and outside of reality.

...But there had been something his dean had said which repeated in his head non-stop:

“...only the best of the best once a century...”

Yunho pressed his lips shut on his way to his professor, and he knew, knew, this sentence, the tiny possibility that maybe all of this might be true after all. The fact that he had been the one chosen out of countless in a once a century opportunity to learn something no one else was allowed to would be the sole reason he would submit to his curiosity and take the offer in the end. That and his vanity, of course, the secret desire to be the now obvious best.

In the end, Yunho left his university with not much more than back when he had first moved into his dorm. His eyes full of curiosity and determination, lips occasionally twisting into a small, excited smile, he headed to where he had been asked to call in to his internship with growing anticipation. His eyes went wide with wonder when he entered a huge and old mansion half an hour outside the inner city after he had followed every instruction leading him down this path.

It was when he filled out a registration paper for the unknown party that offered Yunho the internship that he learned that he was supposed to stay and live in the mansion. Walking inside the mansion with unsure steps, he found that a huge and comfortable room had been already prepared for him with a gigantic library and a single adviser as his only guardian and teacher.

This adviser, Jung Jessica, who also welcomed him with few words and led him inside the mansion to administrate the registration process, was a young woman of such mesmerizing beauty that Yunho couldn’t help but stare at her with his mouth slightly hanging open. Never in his whole life had he seen another human being of such utter perfection -- and he blinked hard, rubbed his eyes even, because of all the impossibly fantastic and utterly surreal things happening in his life lately, it wouldn't have surprised him had she been a figment of his own imagination.

She was an ice queen, though, and so beautiful, so unreal that despite her expressionless face, her soulless eyes and her utter lack of interest for his very existence, Yunho couldn’t help but fall for her in a matter of a few heartbeats. Pale skin and light hair, a petite form, but she held herself upright in a way that managed to make her look superior even when facing Yunho's much taller form.

It was not like Yunho was desperate for the very first woman crossing his path once off campus. Despite studying linguistics, he had had his fair share of sexual experiences. After all, women were not a rarity in the linguistic section and whenever they managed to catch a glimpse of Yunho's surprisingly handsome face from behind an old, dust-heavy book, Yunho had gotten unambiguous offers from more than one person.

To his utter embarrassment, though, the following weeks Yunho quite often found himself daydreaming to images of his beautiful adviser. Scenarios of them, a happily married couple living together in this old mansion, occupying his mind every now and then, and a meek voice inside of Yunho's highly busy mind justified the embarrassing thoughts with the ridiculous logic that heeey, they at least shared the same surname already. *

But even though Yunho tried his hardest to look even more handsome around her, Miss Jung never looked at him and never tried to approach him. In fact, the young woman was around so rarely and showed up so randomly and for only such short timespans that it was only thanks to her incredible beauty that Yunho didn't forget about her presence in the mansion.

After all, she was a silent woman of few words, her face a mask of frozen expressionlessness. But sometimes, sometimes, in her large, dark eyes, Yunho was able to see a deep glint, a slightly eerie fire, a hunger which he wasn't able to understand, but which had him recoiling with an instinctive shudder without really knowing why.

In her eyes, Yunho saw her waiting for something, lurking and yearning -and whatever that was, Yunho did not want to know as he instinctively knew that she was waiting for something revolving around him.

When one day he carefully asked her what she was doing in this mansion, she only smiled at him and told him in a very quiet voice that sometimes the price for knowing more than one was supposed to know was too high. Yunho translated that into something along the lines of 'Mind your own business, fucker'.

From that time onwards he never approached her again, feeling too uneasy when looking into her bottomless eyes which held a secret too deep and bitter for him to understand.

Half a year passed without either of them ever interacting the slightest bit again.

Yunho spent his days inside the grand library which was so irritatingly huge that he easily imagined it as a ballroom instead. There, he did what he always had been best at: reading, learning, remembering.

From day one the enormous wealth of knowledge of the collected books had opened a whole new world for him, and when Yunho first found the grand library he immediately understood that he was supposed to study in there alone. There wouldn't be teachers, professors or advisers to help, to lead the way, only Yunho alone and countless stacks of books waiting for him to reach out for them.

Yunho did not feel burdened, though, quite the opposite actually. The eerie silence of the grand hall was inviting to him, a peaceful, idyllic absence of noise and sounds, and he sat with his legs crossed in one of the countless comfortable armchairs near a cozy fireplace with an impressive amount of randomly selected books towering beside him. Yunho never had any problems occupying himself and being left alone, reading books had always been the best way to learn for him anyways.

The first book he opened was a promising introduction about an old ancient culture of beings he had never heard of before. Yunho leaned back in his armchair and happily licked the tip of his right index finger to flip the numerous pages. The thick leather of the book's cover had been unreadably decomposed and the thin, brittle pages half-moldered, but Yunho skimmed through the pages with joyful anticipation, ignoring the way the pages often had crumbles on the edges, ink smudged and partly faded.

His joyful anticipation didn't last long, though. After skimming through the first couple of pages, he put the book aside with a frown and stared at it with his mouth hanging slightly open. His hands automatically reached for the next, but that one too he put aside with after only reading a few pages.

With growing bewilderment he reached out for the books next to him, reading page after page about a culture of highly intellectual sacred beings completely and utterly wiped from the human collective and history. Yunho felt a headache throbbing at the back of his head, and his eyes started burning with suppressed disappointment. Here he was, sitting in the middle of what must probably be the biggest independent library he had ever entered: countless floors and shelves filled with endless books collected for what Yunho had thought a sponsored study of long forgotten languages and cultures, but all the books -all he had opened, had revealed nothing but fiction?

Book after book, Yunho was sure that he was reading dark kinds of fairy tales, fantasy, made-up stories about a world which had never existed, with beings living in it who had never been part of his own world.

Man eaters. Blood drinkers. Energy drainers. Yunho had no words to describe the horrifying things he was reading about. But while a big part of him stayed distanced and treated the information like a scary fairy tale, another part of him was soaking up all the information he could find about those cruel but perfect beings, which millenniums ago treated humans like him little better than animals. Bewilderment turned into curiosity and slowly Yunho's disappointment changed into eagerness to know as much as possible. There was something between the old pages he held between his finger which he couldn't explain with words. It was a feeling maybe, something drawing him in and keeping him inside the dark stories the books told him. Slowly, a deeply buried knowledge calmed his unwillingness to believe. Somehow, he instinctively knew from somewhere deep within him that those beings had existed long, long ago, once upon a time maybe. That knowledge, so surely true that Yunho had problems brushing off the terrible things he read as mere made-up stories, came from somewhere so deep, so ancient but instinctive and certain that he couldn't help but believe it.

Yunho was so fascinated that he hardly left the grand library. After all, it had three floors- three floors full of knowledge and history, and all his lifetime Yunho had never felt anything as comforting as the presence of all the secrets well-hidden inside each and every book.

There were days Yunho couldn't really grasp the sheer grandness of the mansion's library as it was something so unreal that he couldn't help but imagine it as a strangely twisted portal of reality, maybe a place where the space-time continuum was irrelevant. At times Yunho could almost physically feel his reality shifting just the tiniest bit when entering the library. There was a pull he could feel on his body whenever he entered, but especially whenever he left the library for dinner or sleep. Something inside of him bound his soul to the silence of the many worlds waiting for him so patiently and Yunho clung to it as he felt empty without it. The forever unbroken silence, the gentle rustling of countless sleeping books facing him with their indifferent eyes -Yunho felt it all and felt home.

The library had a huge ground floor and two vast and elegant galleries, ellipse-formed and supported by massive marble columns, running along the walls of the huge room, but leaving the middle open. At times, Yunho felt like Belle, reading through his omnipresent yet invisible capturer's library, although the Beast in his story was missing since Miss Jung was out of question for that role.

He needed a whole year just to learn about the history and culture of those sacred beings, and only when he searched for more information on the second floor did he notice that just the books from the first floor were written in any of his known languages.

He literally hit a language barrier, a first in all his linguistically educated life. As much as he researched, as much as he looked through his tables and lists, folders, documents and notes he couldn't find any information at all about the language of the books on the second floor.

It was then, when he sat more than a little frustrated in his favorite armchair in front of his favorite fireplace with one of the books he couldn't read in his lap, that Miss Jung Jessica approached him with a small, knowing smile on her pretty lips. It was also then that Yunho understood the actual reason his beautiful housekeeper was living with him in the mansion.

As soon as he hit the language barrier she turned from an inapproachable ice queen to his teacher, undoubtedly her prime function in his internship which Yunho came to understand then. However, Yunho needed a few days to understand the change of her attitude towards him before the young woman, who grew more and more annoyed with him, was able to teach him anything.

But after months of sexual abstinence, she couldn't expect him to allow her to lean her body in close proximity to his without getting lost in the touch or losing himself in the pretty play of her long hair dangling through rays of sunshine and falling against his flushed skin. Most of the time she talked to him, his eyes were glued on her prettily moving lips, and it was obvious that he was lost in his thoughts without being able to hear her.

It was only thanks to Miss Jessica herself, who took the needed measures in her own hands, that on day four Yunho was finally able to grasp the basics of the unknown language.

That night, Miss Jessica, who Yunho came to understand to be a practical woman, silently slipped under his too warm bedsheets and took care of his utterly paralyzed needs. She caressed his body, her pale hands cold against his hot skin, and while Yunho stared at her with shock-widened eyes, she already lifted his flesh and guided it gently inside herself.

It was the most bizarre and surreal night of his life, but it wouldn’t be the last.

Whenever the pressure was too much for Yunho to concentrate, the following night the firm and ever-cold form of Miss Jessica would press against his body, his arms ready and waiting to wrap around her slim body, to lift her on top of him, while she already adjusted, small and soundless moans falling from her parted lips as she rode him until they both collapsed from pleasure.

The next morning she would be gone, and Yunho always woke up in a bed, cold where she was supposed to lay. She was patient with him, silently leading and teaching him through a universe of forgotten memories, but being alone with her, Yunho sometimes couldn't stop the bad sense of foreboding creeping up his spine.

Sometimes, when back in the library, books and tables and notes around them, her eyes wouldn't meet his until the sun was setting, golden rays reflecting in her cold and hungry eyes, making Yunho flinch, stumbling on the vocabulary she was making him memorize. Darkness was in her eyes, something deep and alien, and it followed Yunho into his dreams where he dreamed of things buried deep inside his instinctive conscious, making him wake up late at night bathed in cold sweat.

It was when the nightmares became a permanent part of his life in the mansion that he felt something lurking and steadily growing at the back of his conscious. Something which always had been there, but ignored, suppressed even, something which as a child had been of substance, real and part of the world to touch and feel and breathe, something which was crushed and brushed off as unreal as soon as he got older. Something, Yunho understood with growing awareness, mankind's collective didn't want to knowledge and instinctively pushed away from their awareness as unreal and superstitious.

As his world twisted and widened and grew, as it tinted darker until the one essential bitter reality became undeniable, until Yunho realized that all the stories and legend were true, until Yunho felt it in every fibre of his body that mankind had built its history on the extinguishment of another, Miss Jessica watched her pupil grasping her world silently with dark and growing eyes.

And Yunho, sweet and naïve Yunho, who clutched tightly at the last remnants of his old and oblivious world, never met her eyes again.

A year passed and his world changed. Another year passed and Yunho couldn't remember the things he had thought to know about the world. The library was his universe now, its books the planets he wandered and the legends and stories, their words the ink-black truth, a brush-soothed touch of god he felt echoing in his seoul.

Yunho was lost.


(the chapter was too long for a single LJ entry. Please continue reading here: Chapter 4B.2)

( Post a new comment )
[identity profile] every-journal.livejournal.com on October 6th, 2013 08:56 pm (UTC)
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! I had almost given up hope that you would continue writing this!!! And then this!! <3

Recently I reread all the chapters so I can immediately start with this new (half) chapter!

I love love love love you!!!! <<<<3333
/slams you into a gigantic hug/

Goes off to read o/
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 7th, 2013 03:28 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad that old readers like you remeber this
and still like it. thank you sososososo much ;__; <333
it mean so much to me <3333
[identity profile] shinchul303.livejournal.com on October 6th, 2013 11:59 pm (UTC)
I have been reading ALL of this for the entire afternoon and am a total loss of words. This is the most amazing vampire tale I've ever read. And to finish with 4A and come back to the page and find 4B waiting…I think there actually is a god.

Time to read more! And thank you for this amazing one-of-a-kind story.
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 7th, 2013 12:11 am (UTC)
I could be wrong but I actually sure I saw you around my journal (maybe even this fic?) before :'DDD
Are you really a new reader? Hehe /curious

Also there is a part 4B2 :DDD~~~

Thank you for reading and commenting~~~
[identity profile] shinchul303.livejournal.com on October 7th, 2013 01:02 am (UTC)
Not this fic, but .ILA, Black, Colorblind, Light Up, and Siren Call perhaps.
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 7th, 2013 03:27 pm (UTC)
oups :'DDD yeah, right.........glad you like
this one too then. Find Me is a bit hardcore,
but it's my baby~
[identity profile] nicotine-gum.livejournal.com on October 7th, 2013 12:16 am (UTC)

*giddy with happiness*

I am going to start again from chapter 1 and then savour this latest chapter! Oh, you make me sooo happy! Will comment again after reading!
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 7th, 2013 03:27 pm (UTC)

yess yesss come back and tell me how you liked it :DDD
see you later!!!!
[identity profile] duckbuttshinki.livejournal.com on October 7th, 2013 02:32 am (UTC)
OH MY GOSH I AM SO EXCITED YOURE BACK AND THIS HAS BEEN ON MY MIND SINCE IVE READ IT EONS AGO ASDFGHJK I CANT EVEN RIGHT NOW (I really wanted to write a heart thingy but my keyboard is being dumb because fic feels lol)

Ok imma read it now ^^
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 7th, 2013 03:18 pm (UTC)
:DDDDD perfect comment is perfect. thank you very much<33333333
[identity profile] 1cati1.livejournal.com on October 7th, 2013 07:19 pm (UTC)
how long did i wait for this... wow it's years already... although I remember it like yesterday haha
thanks so much for the update!!!!

just recently I wanted to reread the other chapters, but after a few words, my soul was sucked so miserable into it, that I just couldn't continue ;_; but know i can finally reread it without feeling the pain at the end. the pain of not knowing what will happen ><


and please continue <3
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 8th, 2013 02:57 am (UTC)
:'DDD sorrrrryyyy

glad you still like this though!!!!!
i always feel sorry for my readers who
have to wait so damn long, sorry sorry sorry ;__;

also...i dont know if you already saw this, but you
commented on the first part of the new Find Me chapter.
there is another, Chapter 4 B.2 :-)))

thank you <3

Edited 2013-10-08 02:57 am (UTC)
[identity profile] awshin.livejournal.com on October 14th, 2013 01:31 am (UTC)
Oh hi you're back with this fic! What's with Miss Jessica? >< This internship is creepy.
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