12 October 2013 @ 06:58 am
In Heaven  
Title: In Heaven
Length: Oneshot
Pairing: JunChun (as in Junsu AND Junho like Yoochun)
Rating: R
Warnings: a bit of gore and blood
Genre: horror, dystopia
Disclaimer: this is pure fiction. I don't make any profit with this. story still belongs to me.

author: [livejournal.com profile] abcdefghiluvyou

Summary: “In the future, siblings go to heaven until they are needed. Junho is needed to save Junsu's life, but his love for Yoochun continues to live inside of Junsu.”

Another warning: this fic is horrible, horrible, horrible and you have been warned.

In Heaven

Junho dies shortly after they turn twelve. Junsu isn't surprised, but nights after his twin is gone, tears still run down his face and he can't forget about him.

"We always knew that this would happen, Su-darling." His mother says in the morning when they sit together, now a family of three, to breakfast before another day begins. Her voice is distant, but her eyes are sad. Junsu has to remind himself that this is the second family loss she goes through.

His father doesn't offer any words of comfort, lost in his own world and Junsu wonders if he, too, remembers the loss of his sibling so many years ago.

At school everyones' eyes turn sadder with the passing months. It is their second year of middle-school and everyone from the upper classes pass their hallway with pity in their eyes. Junsu's neighbor in the classroom is the next to lose his sibling. Then the girl from the upper front row disappears. The next month, another boy Junsu never spoke a word to comes to class with his eyes swollen and red rimmed, tears running down his cheeks. And then Junsu's best friend, Changmin, loses his sister.

Another month passes and then their teacher tells them with a sigh that they passed the year of separation. There is no laughter, no relieve, no smile at the teacher's words. Junsu looks around his class and counts the remaining students. Out of thirty, only fourteen are left sitting with him. Everyone left is mourning a loss and Junsu tightens his arms around himself as his heart shatters in his chest.

Two years later, Junsu sits with Changmin at the top of the roof of their school. They are skipping the first period, both too tired from a night they didn't sleep at all, to bother about school. It is their last year of middle-school anyways and both don't care.

Changmin is staring at the sky, eyes blinking tiredly as he thinks. Junsu doesn't have to look at him to know about what. He, too, thinks about all the things they happened to overhear last night.

Sleeping over at Changmin's is Junsu's favorite thing to do since he doesn't like his own home anymore. It isn't unusual that parents start to dislike the surviving child after the separation-year -and in Junsu's case it was even expected. He was a twin after all, before Junho died, and looking at him now pains his parents. Junsu prefers to have his parents not able to look at him at all.

Besides, sleeping at Changmin's means that they can work on their illegal projects, one of the many they have running at the moment. Yesterday night, they decided against searching the intercorea for books on the memorial-list, but worked on the radio. As always they didn't really expect to succeed with their secret plan to break the corean-restriction on the radio waves. They messed with the radio to be rebellious, both feeling daring as they tried to catch outer-corean waves and news. Neither Junsu nor Changmin expected to really catch a foreign signal though, which was why they stayed up all night when they somehow actually did.

"You think all of that was true?" Changmin asks, still staring at the sky, his voice hopeful and Junsu understands him so much.

"I don't know." silence. "I don't even know if I want it to be true."

Another two years later, Junsu is sixteen, the illegal news from two years ago are wide-spread all over Corea and everyone talks about it. Not openly of course, but there are whispers everywhere, of revolution among the ghosts, of fights in heaven. Junsu tries not tho think about the fact that this has been going on for two years already, tries to forget how his ghost looks like. He doesn't want to hope. He doesn't want to feel. All he wants is to move on and do his best, because it's the only thing he can do.

The next year Junsu de facto dies. Only that he doesn't really.

A car hits him on his way to school and before his body connects hard with the concrete ground, Junsu has one last clear thought, before he is brain-dead.

He is rushed to the hospital, his parents' faces white as chalk as the doctors run their diagnosis. They put him in the tank, his bruised and broken body non-responding and vulnerable, before the thick and viscous nutrient fluid fills the oval space of the now closed vessel. With wide eyes Junsu's parents watch the irreparable organs of their son leaving his body in bloody red streams, before the nanos in the tank neutralize the organic disposal. Brain, heart, liver, an eye, a few bones and skin they watch streaming out of Junsu's eyes, mouth, ears...before his mother violently turns away and flees out of the room, her husband following her.

Junsu wakes up in the tank two weeks later. Changmin is there to welcome him back, his lips are tight when he smiles at his friend.

Junsu sits in the tank and slowly understands what happened. It's Changmin's sadness which takes his last hope that the things running through his head aren't actually what happened. He looks at his hands and feels the weight of the world on his shoulders. It's hard to breathe.

Changmin helps him out of the tank and to the bathroom. He gently cleans him up and walks with him back to the room, only excusing himself to fetch them something to eat when Junsu slowly starts to dress himself. When Changmin is gone, Junsu walks to the mirror hanging next to his hospital tank. The eyes that stare back at him are not his own. He blinks, then looks again and corrects himself. His left eye is not his own, the shade of brown much warmer than his own, the eye oddly alien in his face. He checks his hands, his feet, his body- everything, and only notices the tears when they drip on the floor and wet his skin.

Changmin finds him sobbing on the floor and hurriedly takes him into his arms. His voice is hushed when he whisperes comfort into Junsu's ear, but his friend doesn't listen, doesn't care, as guilt tightens his throat and suffocates his breathing. Junsu cries for the sin of being alive and all Changmin can do is hold him tight and suppress the tears.

When Junsu returns home he finds that his parents have already packed their things and left. He understands and hopes that now, without him, they will live happier. Then he gathers each and every thing they have left in the house for him to remember them and forms a circle in the middle of the living room floor. He lies down in the middle of it, closing his eyes and falls asleep there, before he can hate himself for his weakness.

In his dream he sees the face of a stranger smiling at him. Sad, but beautiful big eyes look at him with so much love and trust that Junsu feels his heart aching. Full lips are moving and talking to him, but Junsu cannot hear a sound. It's a boy, pale and fragile, and Junsu feels his soul sizing with yearning.The vision blurs, but Junsu doesn't want the stranger to go, reaches out for him with his hands and screams, but everything is already fading out. For a last time, the beautiful boy is forming words and this time, Junsu understands-

"I love you, Junho- I love you so much."

Junsu wakes up with a scream. His heart is racing, cold sweat is running down his face and he feverishly tries to calm his thoughts. Junho, he thinks and fear and guilt clutch his stomach. He closes his eyes, presses them shut and tries to ban the small voice of the beautiful boy from his dream out of his head.

"Yoochun!" a voice, a feeling, tells him from inside then, something shooting down from his brain and sizing up in his heart, flooding his body with warmth and making it sing with his blood in his veins: "Yoochun, Yoochun! His name is Yoochun!"

Junsu screams again, hands pressing flat against the sides of his head to ban the voice, the sudden feeling in his being out of himself.

Junho is a ghost, he screams in his head, Junho is part of my body now, my brain, my heart, my blood and skin, Junho is no more.

The feeling swells, thick in his chest and heavy on his limbs, as Junsu hears and feels an choir of "Yoochun, Yoochun, Yoochun, Yoochun..." echoing in his soul. He cries out, falls on his knees, tears running down his face as emotions of love and yearning and heavy sadness hit him with such a force that he almost faints from it. Instead he sobs out, hurt clawing his insides as a terrible feeling of loss paralyzes him.

Changmin finds him like that the next morning, horror evident in his eyes as he realizes what happened. He tries not to think about the fact that he will go through exact the same experience in the distant future, when his organs and skin will have to be renewed and changed. Wordlessly he helps Junsu into the bedroom, choosing not to say anything about the personal family-belongings on the floor, the blood on Junsu's face from where he scratched himself and the vomit clinging to his clothes. All of this can wait. Junsu needs to sleep. Junsu needs to heal.

In his dream, Junsu sees the boy, Yoochun, again. It is Junho's dream, Junsu understands now, his ghost's yearning for the one person he loves. Junsu wonders if Yoochun is a ghost, too, and if yes, who's.

When he wakes up this time, he feels much calmer. But there is a glow in his chest, where his new heart beats a little bit faster than it should against his ribs. Junsu keeps the dreams a secret from the world.

A year passes and Junsu is eighteen. The rebellion is old news now and Junsu hears new whispers at his university's library. The fights in heaven are over, the ghosts forced back into submission it seems. Junsu tries to ignore the pain running through his heart at these words, tries not to think of Yoochun and what this means.

Yoochun is years away from being harvested at least, that much Junsu knows from his researches and it comforts him a little. There weren't many Yoochun's on the national death-lists near the year of Junho's death, so finding him, Park Yoochun, dead at age 12 as it was common for first-borns, was easy in the endless list of deaths.
Park Yoohwan, the younger brother and the one who will pass the separating-year as a seemingly only-child, is still only seven years old. Thirty or more years await Yoochun in heaven and for that, something inside of Junsu -the part he recognizes as Junho's feelings for Yoochun which survived the harvesting, is thankful.

Junsu closes his eyes and suppresses a smile as Yoochun's fragile beauty glows in the darkness of his mind. If only Yoochun wasn't dead, if only Junsu could find him.

Three years later, something happens which Junsu never finds out. On his way to school another child gets hit- this one by a train- and dies instantly on the spot. Park Yoohwan is so fatally injured, his body so broken and fragmented that he is beyond saving. The pieces of his torn body are carefully gathered from the blood-smeared train tracks, but there is nothing else than can be done.

Park Yoohwan dies, Park Yoochun is given a second chance to live.

Junsu is in his third year of university when he meets Yoochun. It's almost cliché, they both reach out for the same book in the library and their hands brush, before they both look up and into each other's eyes apologetically.

It only takes one heartbeat before they recognize each other, Junsu by the sudden shock of love and disbelieve rushing through his system, and Yoochun by the similarity Junsu bears to his twin and the one eye that was given to him when taken from Junho.

Yoochun stares at him wordlessly for a second, emotions running through his beautiful eyes and Junsu thinks he wouldn't mind standing here and watching Yoochun forever.

Then, slowly, carefully, Yoochun raises himself on his tiptoes, stretching closer to Junsu and without any resistance from the latter, presses his lips against the other's with a soundless sigh.
In this moment, Junsu's heart skips a beat and something snaps in his mind.

"I found you, Junho-" Yoochun whispers, eyes dark as he blinks them open to look at Junho's eye following his every move. He closes the distance to the other boy again and presses another kiss against his lips. "I love you, Junho." Another kiss.

It only takes a heartbeat before they recognize each other. And then another kiss.

It only takes a heartbeat and Junsu is in heaven.


A/N: this isn't edited because I cannot sleep because of this since 7 hours, so I decided
to quickly write this down so it would shut the fuck up in my head so I can sleep. my vision is blurry right now
and I am tired, so forgive me the probably many mistakes in this I just don't care right now.

Where did this even come from???? I really don't know. suddenly it flashed through my head and i couldn't sleep
anymore. I wish this would happen during day-time, but no.

I can't believe I wrote dystopia, so depressing ugh! Also the thought of older-siblings being declared dead when
they turn twelve just so they are legally kept alive as a living health-insurance....ughughugh!!! Brain, what.

The last sentence is up to your personal interpretation by the way. you can either see it as a "good end" in
which Junsu falls in love with Yoochun and eventually everything will turn good, or you can see it as a
"bad...well bad for Junsu end" in which Junho takes control over the body (since, you know, it's his
brain and heart and pretty much everything else running inside of Jusnu) and Junsu is being send to heaven.

either way, Yoochun is an angel from heaven who brings life/death.
I like him like that :O

some explanations:

Seperation-year - When children turn 12. they either "die" or pass.
Corea - fictional Korea lol
Intercorea - fictional Korean Internet (restricted to Korea only)
Memorial-list - List of banned books
Ghosts - The children who "die"
Heaven - The place where the "dead" children are held captive
Emergency-tank - this is a tank which basically keeps you alive even though you are physically dead. the
people of Corea use it to store their people inside until the needed body-parts for an operation are taken and
delivered from the ghosts

In this fictional Corea, older siblings are made into ghosts- usually when they turn 12. Some pass separation
day at random, because their younger siblings aren't yet born. In Yoochun's case for example, he was made a
ghost right away when he turned 12, as was the girl in the front row in Junsu's class and many others, because
they already had younger siblings when they turned 12. In Changmin's sister's case, she was made a ghost when
Changmin turned 12, because when she was 12, Changmin wasn't born yet. I just wanted one random example
of what could happen outside the traditional, tragic pattern D;

ok ciao.

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[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 11th, 2013 10:00 pm (UTC)
 photo tumblr_m4o2iwG0Qf1r089nmo1_500.jpg

good night.
[identity profile] be-ddelusionall.livejournal.com on October 11th, 2013 11:22 pm (UTC)
oh my god this is freakin' amazing
I can't ...
the story idea
it's just ... Mind Blown

so good

bc it's like Junsu and Yoohwan but Junho and Yoochun and ... ugh ... I can't even formulate a response to this amazingness

well done!
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2013 08:23 am (UTC)
glad you liked it really!!!
i wasn't too sure about this. it is unusual for me to write in this
almost brusque tone lol the sentences are also unusually short....
i didn't feel too good uploading this :'DDD but i was so tired, i really
just wanted to finish this and get rid of it so it would leave me alone.
that's why I'm relieved you liked it TT-TT

yeah, all kinds of love-theories are in here. does the body love? or
your memories? or you heart/soul? what makes you remember love and
what makes you feel it.
and then i also played with reincarnation theories...man this fic is full of
weird stuff, but i always wondered about things like that.

i really really like Yoochun in this though :D
he gets a metaphorical chance for reincarnation and comes back as an
angel of both death and revelation~~~

thank youuuu for reading and commenting and comforting me with it haha.
[identity profile] killboredom.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2013 03:43 am (UTC)
Goodness I'm starting to have overanalysing theories that only make sense to me~

this world is very much intriguing
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2013 07:25 am (UTC)
I really want to hear your theories!!!! Please please tell me ;3;

I'm glad you liked this~ thank you for reading and commenting :-)))

Edited 2013-10-12 07:25 am (UTC)
[identity profile] killboredom.livejournal.com on October 14th, 2013 05:55 am (UTC)
Hmm, okay I'm gonna apologize because my theory are rambles-so here they go:

1. The oldest siblings don't die-they just get placed somewhere else where they are harvested for future "services" where they technically live until they are needed. Those who are not needed (a family member doesn't get severely injured) they get to live out a full life on the other side.

2. They become blank slates; so technically they are freer than their younger siblings. Most don't know where they have come from (very blissful existence) or what their purpose are but some do get the inkling and become knowledgable of their true purpose-thus the /rebellion/

3. This is just a whole set up by the upper class to continue having healthy lives and feeding off from the lesser ones but is now backfiring because the other side has become more aware and overabundant that they are rebelling and creating a whole society in itself. Those who are aware are then brought back to Corea to stop them (the accidents their siblings get into are orchestrated)

4. Yoochun & Junho, on the other lives have met and become lovers going on about their lives (because they've become blank in the other side~) until the tragedy that befalls their siblings separates them. Since dystopia basically kills their spirit, Junsu has naturally become weak and just wants to cross-over thus Junho taking over (same as Yoowhan)

5. The government just kills off the weaker of the siblings and tests to see which sibling will be more beneficial in the long run, as Junsu was rebelling and becoming weak spirited he becomes a person who is not needed anymore (not functioning as efficiently) thus bringing back Junho is more beneficial. (Though the cycle of sadness will just continue anyway since the passing of the next generation will continue on anyway)

6. Junsu has fallen in love with Yoochun (because Junho keeps him alive in his body) but he gives in to his brother because he has survivor's guilt.

7. Changmin's parents only really planned for one child to save themselves from one of their children dying off but that didn't work out because unless they have another they would have their child taken away regardless.

. . .yeah, I was trying to think too much
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 16th, 2013 01:35 am (UTC)
Wooooooow!!!!! Why do i only see this now, when I'm in class??? Ill reply to your comment later BUT thank you so much for sharing this with me :-)))))
[identity profile] sharl.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2013 11:07 am (UTC)
Ceren, I cried and still crying now. That's how beautifully heart breaking this story is. When Junsu wakes up I felt start to blur, and when he put together his things and formed a circle and lied down in the middle of it, I couldn't hold back my tears.

I wish you can somehow look into my brain directly to know exactly how I feel because words just don't do justice on how amazed I am.

I am torn between wanting you to write more of this AU or asking you to stop. Somehow I want to know more. But I'm not sure whether my heart can take more of this heart breaking story.
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2013 07:25 pm (UTC)
this is the first time i'm not really happy about a reader's tears ;-(((
I feel like i ...or at least my words hurt you. sorry :-(((((

i don't know if I want to write more on this. in my head there is silence
now, because whatever it was that wanted me to write this down is
apparently satisfied.

i know you are already feeling better, but still...sorry for making you cry.
[identity profile] n3uromanc3r.livejournal.com on October 13th, 2013 09:46 pm (UTC)
What a cruel system!
Why do they this to families? It seemed their medical technology is quite advanced so how come they use family members' organs instead of growing them in laboratory? And why the older child?
The concept reminded me of the movie 'The Island' but in this case the donors didn't seem as clueless (although sadly rather weak yet to start a successful rebellion) about their future as the ones in that movie.

I was really disappointed how Junsu's parents turned away from their own son after the accident as if it was Junsu's fault Junho got sacrificed in such a young age, while it evidently happens in everybody's family...

But the first meeting between Junsu and Yoochun was really touching, I wonder whether Yoochun will see Junsu too or only Junho - can we say at all that it was Junsu who met Yoochun at the library?

Thank you very much, I really enjoyed the story!

[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 14th, 2013 02:37 am (UTC)
hmnn i thought that having to live with the knowledge that one of your children will have to die
"for" the other child, as you yourself were allowed to live because of your dead sibling, would
form some sort of a massive collective guilt-conscious among the people of Corea (who clearly
live under a totalitarian regime) which as a result would lead to meek and depressed people
who'll never revolt against the system.
it's only the ghosts who revolt at one point and the outside, "living" people get excited. but in the
end everything was useless after all and everyone was overpowered and oppressed again ;-((

of course the technology is advanced enough to save everyone from almost everything, but
forcing the families to have at least 2 children of whom one is doomed to die, gives the ruling
power a god-like power over the helpless people who don't know life any different than cruel
anymore. I was thinking like that while writing :'D sounds logic in my head, but now I'm not so
sure anymore haha :'DD

Junsu's case is difficult. He is a twin so his parents see Junho ...and ultimately their own grief
and despair and agony in Junsu.

Honestly, back at the moment I wrote the JunChun meeting, I wasn't really sure myself who
in the end kissed Yoochun. at first it was clearly Junsu, but so much of him was already Junho
so I don't know who exactly reacted to Yoochun. What Yoochun saw in Junsu though, is
clear: he only saw and addressed Junho- ironically though, Junho is Junsu from the outside
(apart from one eye which admittedly, Yoochun looked at while speaking but...) so who knows who
Yoochun actually saw.

thank you so much for your great comment :-))) I appreciate it so much that you always take time
to read and comment on my writings<3
[identity profile] zoeybunnygals.livejournal.com on October 25th, 2013 06:45 am (UTC)
This is beautiful.....My JunChun....So many possiblity with Junho and Yoochun or Junsu and Yoohwan or vice versa....

WOW just WOW
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[identity profile] uw1m4.livejournal.com on November 13th, 2013 04:02 am (UTC)
what is the odds of me reading this and so happen my playlist playing SHinee - The Name I Loved...
it's like the story seeps through my skin and muscles into my blood stream and bones... goosebumps and teary eyes...
sad and beautiful at the same time... daebak! very good!
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[identity profile] missyoosu.livejournal.com on January 2nd, 2014 04:44 am (UTC)
Wow. So different from what I'm used to reading. As for the ending, I like to think that Junho took over Junsu's body.
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[identity profile] lilaclady40.livejournal.com on April 9th, 2016 03:32 pm (UTC)
Wow, this was really bizarre, but in a good way. Very creative and unique. Merits a second read after your explanations at the end. :)
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[identity profile] lilaclady40.livejournal.com on May 30th, 2016 06:33 pm (UTC)
This was so good the first time through, I read it twice. What a concept. I agree w the commenter below who said she thinks Junsu had survivor's guilt and therefore easily let Junho come forth. Not sure if that would mean he becomes an observer in "his" own life, or ceases to exist, but that's how I'm resolving it in my head. Thank you for sharing your story!
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