12 October 2010 @ 02:59 am
Title: Lullaby
Length: 1/?
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: PG
Warning: implied abuse

Disclaimer: this is pure fiction. I don't make any profit with this.

author: [livejournal.com profile] abcdefghiluvyou

Summary: "Jaejoong walked through the faceless masses, through the neon-bright emptiness, through the cold of the night, his pace slow, his feet following an invisible path only he could see, until they carried him through the early morning hours, when even the crowded plazas were left deserted and silent, his steps echoing in the vacuum of the night."


Jaejoong aimlessly wandered through the streets at night.

He walked through the faceless masses, through the neon-bright emptiness, through the cold of the night, his pace slow, his feet following an invisible path only he could see, until they carried him through the early morning hours, when even the crowded plazas were left deserted and silent, his steps echoing in the vacuum of the night.

He walked through the silence of the lonely streets, his body shivering a bit, longing for warmth, for a place to rest, but he couldn't stop walking, couldn't bring himself to look up and face the here and now, when it was so comfortable within the dazing sphere the monotony of his movement had let his mind slip into hours ago.

It was the very minute before the sun was rising -the sky an anticipating lighter blue, blurred with purple from the far-ends of the first faint-colored rays of the sun, which soon would soak the sky with their brilliant play of colors, blue, purple, pink, gold...like watercolors melting together- when Jaejoong stopped walking in the middle of a silent park.

He blinked a few times, looked around with tired eyes and silently wondered how he had ended up back in his neighborhood when he had walked straight the whole night long.

His feet carried him across morning dew moist grass, tiny droplets soaking the cheep cotton of his worn sneakers.

Jaejoong sat down on a bench the moment the first ray of the rising sun lit up the sky in a blinding and brilliant gold.

He waited for fate, but fate never came.


The next night came and Jaejoong's feet carried him along a different path.

More anonymous masses, people crashing into him ”scuse me, 'scuse me, 'scuse me...”, more brightly shining, but just as empty promises, and a omnipresent noise, a buzzing above all the sounds in the air, swallowing everything up, suffocating time, space, sound and colors.

Jaejoong sat down on his bench, lifeless eyes staring ahead, watching the morning sun reflecting in thousands of droplets pearling on the grass.


He barely made it out the door the next evening, one sneaker loose around his feet, almost slipping, while the other was in his hand, his fingers tightening on the dirty cotton, while he panicky run out of his home, eyes wide with terror.

He could still hear the screams roaring in his ear as he run down the street and out of his neighborhood, his precious sneaker pressed against his chest, his stomach clenching and flipping at the thought of what could have had happened if he had been just another second too late.

He did not have the energy to wander through the city and just made his way to the park, onto his bench, pulling up his knees to his chest, while waiting for the night to fall.


He was caught in the park that night.

One second he had been sleeping peacefully, freezing to death without really noticing, the next second the blinding light of a powerful flashlight had woken him up, a rough hand gripping his thin upper-arm tightly, shaking him awake forcefully, while a loud voice asked him what he thought he was doing, sleeping in a park in the middle of winter.

It was a police man walking his last round through the district, just Jaejoong's bad luck being in the wrong place at the wrong time, but he ended up at a police station, weak and with a small voice answering the questions an unfriendly woman asked him the minute he was forced to sit down in one of the two small offices possible.

Jaejoong shivered in the air-conditioned warmth of the otherwise cold room, wincing as the woman barked at him, as she had to repeat a question he had missed while adjusting to the change of temperature. His teeth clattered slightly as he told the woman his age, his eyes dropping to the floor to avoid her unbelieving stare.

They contacted his home, because ”Really, a middle-schooler can't just sleep in a park, what were you thinking boy? Your poor parents!” and it was just a matter of time until one of them would show up at the station, but Jaejoong couldn't find a possible way out of the room without getting caught.

Cold sweat formed on his pale forehead and it was totally beyond him, how the police could be so worried about him sleeping in a god damned park, without caring about the cuts and bruises all over his body, disturbing the flawless pale of his skin, which they could see all over the places his clothes did not hide them from their uncaring eyes.

Jaejoong shivered as he thought of the countless new bruises he would get for being taken into custody by the police. His eyes searched for a way to escape again, but the woman in front of him was watching him closely -and one shy glance into her cold eyes made it clear to Jaejoong that she was undoubtedly knowing what he was thinking about.

He pressed his eyes shut then, tried to blend out the whole world and tried not to panic when rough hands turned him from his crouched position and up to stand after what felt like seconds.

He gasped, his eyes widening with terror and then softening with confusion, as he looked up into Yunho's eyes.

'Yunho was here. Yunho was here to save him'

It didn't make any sense, but Jaejoong decided to blend everything out then, the world zeroing onto the warm body he was pressed against, the big hand wrapped around his forearm, his large eyes only staring up at Yunho's face, blinking numbly, his mind confused and tired, as Yunho's lips moved through the silence of Jaejoong's soundless world.

He ducked obediently as the palm of Yunho's warm hand pressed against the back of his head, forcing him to bow, before he was dragged out of the police station and into the cold of the night.

The sounds crashed back onto him the second Yunho's palm connected with his cheek.

The sting, the pulsing burning, was the only thing Jaejoong could feel within his numb body as he watched Yunho vanishing among the masses, leaving him alone in the middle of the empty crowds.


His body was sore the next evening he tried to make his way out of his tiny bedroom and through the back-hall of his home, and he could feel Yunho's eyes on his hunched form as he limped to the door.

Jaejoong paused for a split second before making his way outside the cold, hoping so much that someone, Yunho (-Jaejoong's heart gave a painful jerk), would call him, hold him back from leaving the house, but nothing happened, and Jaejoong swallowed down whatever hope he still had been holding onto and silently made his way outside.


Jaejoong walked through the night, his movements slow, his body wincing in pain every now and then, whenever someone carelessly crashed into his bent form.

He left the masses behind, wandered through silent and sleeping neighborhoods, rows after rows of neat houses staring at his small form with their windows facing him cold and unfriendly.

He was sweating terribly, his shaking hands pulling on his cardigan, trying to protect himself from the icy weather, and he hoped he didn't catch a cold the day he had fallen asleep in the park.

His vision was blurring slightly and he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, vision spinning for a moment, before the boy moaned and put the flat of his palm against the rough surface of a concrete wall.

He felt the thin layer of skin above his knees bursting behind the protection of his tattered jeans as they hit the hard ground, and for a second, while his upper body was falling forward in what felt like slow-motion, he wondered if this was it, if he finally was about to meet fate, as the steady rhythm of his monotone nights was finally broken with him having no power to follow the invisible paths through the night anymore.

Jaejoong lifelessly lay on the paved ground in a dark and small alley between two house-rows and tiredly blinked with his eyes. In the flickering darkness in front of his vision, he could see Yunho looking at him.


Yunho's face was still round and soft from the carelessness that childhood offered, his eyes big and warm with honest worry as he took little Jaejoong's pale hands, so much smaller than his own, and pulled the scared boy into his embrace.

He calmed the panicky boy down from whatever had troubled him enough to jerk him awake from his sleep with a start, and then gently tucked him into his own, still warm bed.

Jaejoong calmed down with the other boy's arms around his body, and Yunho's scent in the bedsheets around them.

“Can I always sleep here in your bed, Yunho?” His voice was barely audible, but Yunho did not blame him.

There were many things unusual about Jaejoong, but with their parents ignoring, and then screaming and severely punishing him for the slightest mistake the small boy did, Yunho wasn't really surprised that Jaejoong grew up to be dysfunctional.

Yunho pressed Jaejoong a little bit more closer against his own body, trying to protect the boy from the demons in his head bothering and torturing him, but knew he would never success in making him feel completely safe in his arms.

Nevertheless he hoped so much to at least ease the boy a little bit, as he put as much honesty as he could manage into his warm reply of a simple: “Of course.”


Jaejoong awoke to the bubbling sound of water boiling in an electric kettle.

He was dazed, his eyes half-closed, mouth tiredly hanging open as he gasped in exhaustion and wondered where he was.

For a split second the way the golden sunlight fell through the thin curtains, which couldn't block the light completely, reminded him of the warm beams dancing upon his skin so many many years ago when he had awakened in the safety of Yunho's arms.

But it wasn't possible for him to be laying in Yunho's room, that much was even clear to him, with his delusional mind hoping for wonders he knew he had no right to hope for.

Jaejoong only noticed that he was crying, when one droplet trailed down his cheek and into his mouth, the salty wetness startling him, as he couldn't even remember the last time he had cried.

Jaejoong silently sat up from his laying position, listened to the soft clattering of plates somewhere outside the small room he was laying in, but decided to ignore it, to ignore the questions of who and how.

His lifeless eyes wide open, he watched tiny molecules of dust dancing in the golden sunbeams gently falling into the unfamiliar room, warming the cold of his skin, caressing his sadness, kissing his tears away.


A/N: lol don't ask. I started to write this for a prompt
my lovely jams ([livejournal.com profile] wynnetimate) and I decided to do...
but somehow I...failed D:

I'll continue this if I feel like, but I don't even know what this
is supposed to mean or to be about. This is really really random,
I just ...wanted to get rid of certain feelings with writing this
down, but knowing me, I'll most probably play with this and...yeah.
Figure out what will happen next, duuuh!

( Post a new comment )
[identity profile] captainmarvel.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2010 01:11 am (UTC)
[identity profile] captainmarvel.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2010 01:18 am (UTC)
wow I hope you do continue this!
This is really nice ;D

I'm happy you wrote something!
I really missed your writing.

We really do like abusing Jaejoong don't we?
I love the details you use in your writing.

Keep posting new stuff baby, I miss your stuff.

Thank You ♥
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2010 07:28 pm (UTC)
hi bebee <3

I want -for once- write a manly and not
whiny suffering Jae. seems like I'm just too
stupid to write him like that, since clichee
is so much easier. I fail D:

I miss writing so much, but life is SOSOSOSSOSOO
busy it's incredible!!!! DDX
[identity profile] flavoroftea.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2010 01:36 am (UTC)
Please continue this ):
I've been in the mood for so much angst these days, I don't think anyone but you could satisfy this depressing desire of mine. And now that recently, I've been trying to train myself to read every single word instead of skipping sentences at a time (bad habit I've picked up over the years ._.), the mood of the story is absolutely beautiful.

Thank you for this wonderful piece of work~
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2010 07:26 pm (UTC)
in the mood for angsty huh? well we have something
in common then DD: I bet I wrote this because I was
feeling so down lately.

I do that a lot actually, skipping entire paragraphs
and only reading the essential parts lol so you're not
alone :)

thank you for commenting bebee :)
[identity profile] jlie-ly.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2010 01:51 am (UTC)
woa angsty ; ~ ; Jaejoong's suffering again, why was Yunho so mean to him? and Jaejoong's parents too.
Keep writing, i'd love to see more <3
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2010 07:25 pm (UTC)
hi hunnie<3
a well...Jaejoong is always suffering
in my stories, I can't help it...I want
to write manly!ae but end up writing him
whiny and clichee DDD:

can't answer your questions since I'm not so
sure myself lol. sorry I fail D:
[identity profile] stage-persona.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2010 01:59 am (UTC)
as long as you write, I read
Again, is so easy for me to fall in love with your fics
I hope you continue this one
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2010 07:24 pm (UTC)
thanks bebee. I'm not so sure with this
one, I actually...am a bit confused lol.
but just as I said, if I feel like writing
on this- I will ;)
[identity profile] wynnetimate.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2010 03:01 am (UTC)
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2010 07:28 pm (UTC)
gdiwhereareyouareyoudeadImissyousomuchgdiwhereareyou??? DDD:
[identity profile] wynnetimate.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2010 08:00 pm (UTC)
So I got home from Sauble and then I read this and then I fell asleep before I could comment. Whoops.

Angst is angsty. I love the way your words are beautiful to read and weave the threads of a story together; like a tapestry, you need distance to see the whole picture -- up close, it gets lost in details. And that isn't a bad thing. It contributes to this mood of overwhelming proximity, so that Jae's suffering is almost suffocatingly real.

Gosh, I love your prose.

<3 miss you, bb
xox iluuu
[identity profile] yunho-ism.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2010 03:19 am (UTC)
OMG! an update!
I thought you were in hiatus but yey~ XD
*goes off to read*
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2010 07:23 pm (UTC)

you think my muses will let me rest
peacefully only because I announce a
hiatus??? sobsob, so unlucky!!! DDDX
[identity profile] sheilapiglet.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2010 04:15 am (UTC)
I'm confused...lol...was YH really treating him badly or was he just imagining things and YH wasn't really there?...anyways, I hope that you'll continue to update this fic=)
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2010 07:22 pm (UTC)
everyone is confuseeed DDD: even I DDD:
so I can't really answer your questions...yet.
I'm not so sure myself bohoo.
[identity profile] julili.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2010 10:54 am (UTC)
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2010 07:29 pm (UTC)
2 more days :D
[identity profile] kokoromiya7.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2010 12:03 pm (UTC)
a bit confusing but I hope you'll continue this so we can understand more what's going on and find out about Jae's past, situation and relationship with Yunho ^^
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2010 07:21 pm (UTC)
we'll see ;)
and to be honest I'm a bit confused with this too lol
[identity profile] n3uromanc3r.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2010 12:36 pm (UTC)
Wonder-deer-icon! - and not a 'Find me' update ;(

I can't help, I like this new story too despite I don't really understand the situation yet. (Actually I really enjoy how your stories occupy my thoughts for a long time...)

It seems that Yunho is his brother and they lost each other somehow, so Yunho is either run away from their home or dead.
In this case Jaejoong doesn't have anybody who can save him from the punishment or comfort him and the parents are abusing him.
Or he lives with Yunho who is now the complete opposite of the child in Jae's memories, and he's the one who tortures Jae... but I don't really believe in this theory, because this Yunho he sees everywhere doesn't seem real for me...

How did Jae get out of the police station? (and my usual question again: how old is he anyway?) Yunho couldn't be the one who helped him, and if it was him why he hit Jae and left him alone?

But the last paragraph was so beautiful, I liked how you described the room in the morning light, how those sounds and feeleings evoked memories in Jaejoong.
I wonder where is he now...

: ムック - アンジャベル
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2010 07:21 pm (UTC)
no Find Me, sorry :(
Find Me will take a while to get updated again,
I need to update on everything else first...I really
neglected some of my stuff, and there are new things
screaming at me to write them down...so....yeah.
I'm afraid Find Me has to wait a little.

your theories are so awesome!!! to be honest...I don't
understand much myself too, at least yet. a lot of my plots
only start to make sense when I write more and more, so...hmn.
we'll see with this one.

I did not really decide on Jae's age on purpose, he is a
middle-schooler, it's up to you to decide how hold he is, but
I'd say he is something between 12-15 :)

I'll give my best to update with something nice and awesome next TLT;;
[identity profile] softis.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2010 05:06 pm (UTC)
Aaa~ I recognize your name :D Are you still going to update 'Stand by you'? *puppy eyes* I love that story to pieces <3
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 12th, 2010 07:16 pm (UTC)
of course I'll update 'Stand by you' -I'm not dropping any fanfiction
I started updating :) -updates are just suuuper slow right now, since
my life is incredibly busy :( -sorry!
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on April 17th, 2017 04:40 pm (UTC)
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 13th, 2010 12:50 am (UTC)
lol only thing I pity about him
is his 100% cliche character :D
[identity profile] yunjae93.livejournal.com on October 13th, 2010 04:04 am (UTC)
I like this. I really want to find out more about Jae's past,
and why did Yunho slap him D; very intriguing story
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 13th, 2010 12:11 pm (UTC)
thank you for reading, I'd
love to answer your questions
but this is so blurry so I'm not
sure about all that's happening in
here myself DDD: sorry DDDD:
[identity profile] takelo14.livejournal.com on October 14th, 2010 09:06 pm (UTC)
Really really good!!! :3 please continue ;P and update soon!
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on October 20th, 2010 02:20 pm (UTC)
bebee <3333

we'll see, but thanks for
commenting. can't believe I'm
only commenting back now. so busy!!! :(
[identity profile] uw1m4.livejournal.com on January 16th, 2011 10:38 am (UTC)
I really think you should continue this... I hope you get the idea to use to continue... I hope this is a happy YunJae ending no matter how sad and twisted the story would be... I do hope a lot, don't I... hehehe anyway ... this is a good one ...
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on February 23rd, 2011 09:22 am (UTC)
I want to continue this, but right
now I don't know how...and there
really is not enough time for this
:( glad you liked it though ♥ :)
[identity profile] gunfightings.livejournal.com on January 29th, 2011 02:23 pm (UTC)
i like your writing style n_____n

lovely piece ♥
[identity profile] abcdefghiluvyou.livejournal.com on February 23rd, 2011 09:21 am (UTC)
thank you :)
I am glad you like it ♥