02 November 2010 @ 03:17 am
Title: Stand by You
Length: 4/?
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: R (still PG this chapter)
Warnings: incest (stepfather-son), underage sex (Jae is 23 years younger. Beware.)
Genre: tragedy, angst, romance
Disclaimer: this is pure fiction. I don't make any profit with this.

author: [livejournal.com profile] abcdefghiluvyou
plot by: [livejournal.com profile] zoevo : beware of spoiler!

Yunho got married to Jaejoong’s mother when Jae was 4 and 2 years later, Jae’s mother gave birth to Changmin. Unlike Changmin, a happy and talkative kid, Jaejoong was always quiet but thanks to Yunho and his mother’s love and special attention, he actually felt happy with his 4 member family until Jae was 12 and Changmin was 6, his mother passed away on a car accident.

Seeing his once perfect family broken, Yunho being devastated, Changmin turning silent, Jaejoong decided to get his happy family back by taking his mother’s place in Yunho and Changmin’s life. He did all the things he had seen his mother doing to take good care of Yunho and Changmin, even slipping into his parents’ bedroom and cuddle up with Yunho at night. To Yunho, Jae was a kid who always needed love and extra attention and he loved Jae as his own son. Knowing how depressed and insecure Jae was feeling when losing his mother, he let the kid have his ways.

It’s when Jae was 15 and Yunho started to date again that Jae felt the need to be the actual wife in Yunho’s bed to keep this seemingly perfect family his. beware of spoiler!


Summary: When Jaejoong's father died, it didn't take his mother long to find somebody else to marry. Jung Yunho, 27 years old and at the first glance not a Daddy-person, became the world for the 4 years old Jaejoong. But when his mother died years later in a terrible accident and his small family started to fall apart, Jaejoong promised himself to do everything -everything- to save the happiness of both his little brother Changmin's and his step-father Yunho's. Literally.





Former parts:

Chapter: (one)
Chapter: (two)
Chapter: (three)

New Part:

Chapter 4:






Stand by You



Jaejoong was fourteen when Yunho started to date again.

He was right in the middle of cooking their dinner, mindful of the vegetables Changmin didn't like and the meat to be just as crispy he knew his stepfather preferred it to eat, when Yunho entered their home with a content smile on his lips and a beautiful woman on his arm.

Jaejoong, who a second ago had been chewing on his bottom lip in worry and who just a split second ago had wondered why Yunho still wasn't back from his work this late, turned to the opening front door of their home with a pouting smile, which immediately fell as soon as he saw the woman on his stepfather's arm.

Changmin, who was sitting at the dinner-table in front of the kitchen, doing his homework silently while listening to his older brother cooking, only looked back over his shoulder and at his father, when he caught the frozen expression on Jaejoong's face.

It was the first time that Yunho brought someone with him to their home, but Changmin couldn't care less. So he shrugged, ready to turn back to his homework, which he deemed more interesting than his dad, when it finally hit him that the person on his father's arm was a woman. And what this must probably feel like for his older brother.

With his small eyebrows furrowed and with his eyes narrowing while glancing up and down the -seemingly intimate- pair of adults, he dreadfully turned back to his brother, anticipation high, and his eyes immediately softened with worry as he saw how confused and upset Jaejoong looked all of a sudden. A more heart aching version of the bitch-slapped look Changmin had somehow imagined his brother to have. He sighed.

Changmin carefully got up from his chair and silently made his way to Jaejoong, his small arms instinctively reaching out to embrace his brother. The younger boy felt uneasy, like his frail brother was about to shatter if he wouldn't hold him together with his arms. It was an irrational thought, and it irritated Changmin, but as soon as he touched his brothers' frozen body, he could feel a faint trembling within Jaejoong's body.

Changmin blinked in irritation.

Jaejoong didn't fight his brother's arms, he never did, but what concerned Changmin more than usually when he pulled his brother into the safety of his arms was that Jaejoong leaned back a little, clearly searching for protection from something Changmin wasn't entirely sure he understood.

Both of them winced when the woman gave a little laugh and then turned to Yunho to smile at him.

“Your children are adorable, so close to each other! Mine fight all day long, every minute.”

Changmin shuddered just as Jaejoong gave a helpless twitch with his hands, his body struggling, not knowing whether to turn back to his cooking, or to follow the urge of his body telling him to greet Yunho with a small kiss on his cheek, just as he always did for so many many years now.

Changmin's lips pressed into a firm line, as he watched his beloved brother slightly leaning forward into Yunho's direction, only to helplessly shrunk back as the woman gave another laugh and then introduced herself as a Hwang something, neither Changmin, nor Jaejoong able to catch her forename, though because of entirely different reasons.

Mrs. Hwang yanked on one of the still smiling Yunho's arms, asking him to show her around the house. Yunho turned to his children for a small moment, flashing them a totally stupid grin, which lacked any informative meaning, before nodding and taking the lead, starting their little tour around the house with the living room.

Jaejoong's breath hitched as soon as his step-father turned his back on him, and before he could help it he gasped out a faint: “Dinner-”

Yunho and the woman stopped on their way to the living room and turned to look at the two children in the kitchen, one looking so palepalepale while the other was clearly angry, his little hands balled to fists, eyebrows so furrowed that there was no tiny gap of skin between them anymore.

Yunho confusedly looked at Jae, head tilting to the side as he waited for the boy to continue.

Jaejoong gulped at the expectant look on his stepfather's face and then hung is head low as he continued: “...Dinner...will be ready in a few minutes...”, his voice barely above a whisper.

The boy helplessly turned around, and with shaking hands reached out for his cooking-chopsticks as he heard the woman giving a delighted sigh, her voice dulling as she an Yunho changed rooms and were no longer in front of the kitchen.

Changmin was silent for another second, his narrowed eyes burning holes through the wall between the kitchen and the living room, behind which he and his older brother could now hear his father commenting on various furniture, but then he turned, hands still balled into fists as he glanced into Jaejoong's expressionless profile.

His older brother was cooking their dinner mechanically, his big eyes hidden behind his bangs.

Even without being able to look into them, Changmin could see through Jaejoong's hopeless efforts to act unaffected by their unannounced guest apparently joining their dinner. It was the way how Jaejoong pressed his lips into a firm line to hide his desperately wobbling lower-lip that gave him away, and Changmin was a professional when it came to see hidden signs in his brothers face- or body-language, since Jaejoong had kept all his emotions more or less to himself since forever.

Changmin watched his brother trying to hide whatever was bothering him, watched him trying to pull himself together, and he knew, he knew Jaejoong was trying to keep his emotion composed, swallowing down his confusion and hurt, so that he could function, so that he could cook a satisfying dinner, which could keep his family content and happy -something he had fought so hard for.

The younger boy sighed, but didn't say anything, only stepped closer to his brother and leaned his smaller body against Jaejoong's tense one, his eyes fluttering shut, lips mimicking the older boy's as he pressed them into a line and with closed eyes listened to Jaejoong adding the last touches to their dinner.

Changmin knew better than to ask his brother if he was alright, but after a moment of silence, the soft sizzle of meat the only sound in the kitchen, Changmin felt his older brother's tense form relaxing, his body leaning into Changmin's touch, before a cold hand timidly closed around one of his fists, petite fingers shyly asking for warmth.

Changmin opened his eyes the same moment he firmly closed his hand around Jaejoong's.

The brothers stayed silent, hand in hand, until Jaejoong turned down the hotplate and put his chopsticks away.

“Dinner is ready.”

His voice was silent, soft, a whisper in the electric heat of the kitchen.

Changmin nodded more to himself than answering his older brother, let go of the cold fingers in his hand and then turned to empty the dinner table from his homework.

Jaejoong wasn't someone who would plead for something, but Changmin understood the silent undertone asking for help. He made sure that the table was free of any leftover dirt from his endless hours of occupying the surface with mathematical problems and then turned to walk up the stairs to their second floor.

He found Yunho and the woman leaning against Yunho's bedroom window. Her back was facing the angry child at the door frame, glaring at the scene in front of him, but it was more than clear the the pair of adults was kissing.

Changmin watched one of his father's hands stroking up and down that woman's back, while the fine fingers of his other hand curled around her rich, dark-brown locks.

It could have been an idyllic, beautiful picture, but an image of his older brother giving his best for his family, desperately trying to fill the gap the death of his mother had left behind, helplessly trying to make Yunho as happy as possible, flashed before his eyes and he hit the door frame he was leaning against with his balled fist before he could help it, startling the pair of adults who jumped apart at the angry sound.

Yunho's cheeks were flushed as he looked across the room and into his younger son's angry face.

“Dinner is ready.” Changmin's voice was emotionless, a stark contrast to the clearly visible anger shaking his little body. He turned before Yunho could say something and wordlessly made his way back to the dinner table. He sat down beside his clearly upset older brother and met the pale hand reaching out for him from under the table halfway with his own tense fingers reaching out for his brother.

They sat motionless, no words slipping past their lips as Yunho and his guest sat down on the table.

Jaejoong's hand trembled in Changmin's warm hand, and the younger boy tightened his fingers around his older brother's flesh as he silently ate and tried his best to blend out the hurt and confusion in Jaejoong's ever honest eyes.

-

Dinner had been a nightmare and not only Changmin and Jaejoong were clearly aware of that sad fact.

Yunho heaved a deep sigh, bordering on a frustrated groan, as soon as the door closed behind his guest at around ten in the evening. Ten in the evening. And he had hoped for so much more...

But only the memory of Jaejoong's body flinching and Changmin soundlessly but sinisterly sneering whenever his guest's voice had commented on the food or his children or on anything else, had Yunho worrying over more important matters than the answer to his sexual frustration walking out of his house at ten in the evening.

With another sigh he turned his body back and walked down the hallway, one of his hands running through his hair in frustration as he tried to find his sons. He could hear their muffled voices from upstairs and decided to go up in his bedroom as well to sleep off this awkward evening as soon as possible.

Searching for his keys to lock the front door and then turning off the lights and shutting the windows, he silently made his way to the second floor, only glancing quickly inside Changmin's room as he passed the ajar door.

Both his son's were laying on Changmin's bed on their stomachs, their small backs facing him as they whisper-talked with each other. Yunho silently reached out for the door knob, fully intending to shut the door, as he suddenly heard his name falling from Jaejoong's lips. He tensed, his fingers tightening on the knob, but not pulling the door close, his body bending slightly forward as he tried to hear more on reflex.

He only noticed Changmin's small hand rubbing up and down Jaejoong's trembling back as the little boy shushed his older brother, trying to calm the seemingly upset boy down. Yunho missed how his own heart gave a painful jerk at the panicky thought of Jaejoong crying silently in Changmin's arms.

“It's okay, Jaejoong...Yunho is just...”

Jaejoong's shaking voice interrupted, not angry though, his tone still soft and delicate, as if he was about to break as he voiced his sadness.

“-It's not okay Changmin.” Yunho heard how Jaejoong took a shuddering breath. “Yunho is... I am- I am....” He exhaled and Yunho's fingers around the know tightened even more in dreadful anticipation of the next words slipping out Jaejoongs mouth.

“...I am not enough, am I?” Another unsteady intake of air, this one somewhat thick and strangely moist, bordering on a choked sob as the boy's quivering lungs filled with air. Yunho noticed Changmin's small hand stilling at the small of Jaejoong's back for a nano second, before it continued rubbing up and down, firmer now, as if to press the insecure sadness out of the older boy.

“That's not true.” Only Changmin could state something that simple without sounding uncaring or insensible. Yunho saw Jaejoong tensing against his younger brother.

There was a moment of silence, until Jaejoong's heavy breathing evened out. Yunho didn't realize that he had held his own breath to listen to Jaejoong's soft intakes of air, until his head was spinning in warning, vision blurring just as Jaejoong's carefully sat up, lifting his upper body on his thin arms to sit on the mattress.

Yunho tried to breath as silently as possible, while his eyes soaked up the beautiful sight of the dim lights from Changmin's bedroom dancing upon Jaejoong's pale skin.

Yunhos insides jerked and the man bit down on his lower lip, fingers impossibly tense around the door knob. He stared at his older son crossing his legs as he pouted and then chewed on his full lower lip, one of his hands coming up to rub fine knuckles against the wet corners of his eyes.

Changmin carefully sat up too, his hand never letting go of his brother while he waited for Jaejoong to speak.

Jaejoong tilted his head, his teeth stopping their chewing for a split second as he froze over whatever thought just had passed his mind, before his lips started to tremble in distress. Changmin cleared his throat and Jaejoong snapped out of his thoughts, eyes going wide as he stared back at his worried brother, only to drop his gaze on the mattress, clearly avoiding Changmin's demanding eyes.

“Jae...” But Jaejoong only shook his head, his fingers clutching onto Changmin's shirt and Yunho noticed out of nowhere how young Jaejoong looked. How young Jaejoong was.

Something snapped inside of Yunho and the man turned, ready to leave his hidden place on the door, and the children to themselves for sure, when Jaejoong's unsure vice spoke up again, instantly spell-binding Yunho to the spot.

“Changmin...Minnie, am I enough?” Jaejoong's soft voice paused for a second, before he continued, his tone a bit firmer, though still shaking with insecurity, as he looked up and back into Changmin's eyes. “Am I enough for you? Are you missing something...someone? Am I...do I make you happy?” His voice miserably broke on the last word and Yunho saw how something painful passed little Changmin's worried face, before the small boy pressed himself close against his older brother.

Yunho wasn't sure why, but something inside of him was suffering too, as if seeing Jaejoong in pain was hurting him as well. He was thankful for Changmin's arms around Jaejoong's frail body, while he himself tensed up in order not to tremble as he watched his children comforting each other.

“I don't need anybody, beside you and Yunho.” Again the simplicity of the truth.

Yunho bit his lower lip as he saw Changmin's eyes harden while he spoke. The younger boy rocked his older brother closer to his body, hands rubbing up and down Jaejoong's curling spine. Yunho wanted to embrace them both with his arms, kissing their worry away from their cute faces. He breathed out as Jaejoong nodded against Changmin's neck and whispered a breathy: “Okay...”

Yunho stayed a little moment longer at the door, watching his sons calming down, breathing softly in the silence of Changmin's room, before he blinked, his tense body relaxing with a soundless sigh. He shut the door without a sound and slowly made his way into his bedroom, wishing that he could shut his thoughts and the hurting images of a suffering Jaejoong just as easily from his sight.

-


A few days later, and Yunho still waited for Jaejoong to come to him, maybe call him while he was at work, or crawl into bed and his arms at night to ask him the same questions he had asked Changmin, demanding an answer to his fears, until Yunho soothed the worries away from his small and upset face.

But it was Changmin who came to talk him down, and to say that he was surprised would have been an understatement.

Yunho was sitting in his study room, a high-tech imitation of his rather old-fashioned office at work, sipping on a Whiskey while reading through countless pages of information, as Changmin stormed right into his room, the door banging against the wall as he kicked it open on his way inside.

Yunho jumped on his seat, eyes widening and then narrowing as he watched Changmin's determined eyes hardening as soon as he stopped his angry way right in front of Yunho's desk.

Yunho looked past Changmin and out the door, but he couldn't see Jaejoong in the kitchen.

“Where is Jaejoong?” He asked before he could help it and was more than puzzled as he saw Changmin smirk at his question.

“Outside, buying last-minute ingredients for his stew.”

So Changmin had waited for a moment, a tiny opportunity of a few minutes to catch him, Yunho, alone in the house.

Yunho sat up, straightened his shoulders out of habit, before blinking and slumping back into his seat, reminding himself that he was not about to fight a business-deal, thus had no need to impress and intimidate his own son with his body-language. But as Yunho stared down at his younger son and noticed the balled fists, the anger twitching at his furrowed eyebrows and his firmly pressed lips, as he saw the cold and hardened eyes, he could hardly believe that he was sitting across an only eight years old kid.

Yunho cleared his throat, fought down his uneasiness while looking straight into Changmin's unwavering eyes. He figured that the kid wanted to start with whatever had brought him angrily in front of his desk, but Changmin only stared at him, something big twisting his facial features into a mask of fury and concern.

There was a moment of silence, but just as Yunho licked his dry lips and opened his mouth, Changmin took a quick breath and then spoke up, startling Yunho right with his first straightforward sentence.

“I don't want a new mother.” -Yunho could only blink at that, mind blank, facial expression rather dumbfounded.

What?!”

“You heard me.” Changmin's voice dropped a few octaves and Yunho realized that the boy was really upset over this out-of-the-blue matter. “I don't want a new mother.” His eyes held a strange glint all of a sudden and Yunho had a bad sense of foreboding of what was to slip next out of Changmin's angrily pouting mouth.

“-I don't need anybody beside Jaejoong and you. Especially not a new mom, looking like Jaejoong.” Pause. And then the pout turned into a sarcastic smirk. “Especially not a Mrs. Hwang-Something, looking like Jaejoong.”

Yunho's face froze and went very very pale, eyes widening and lips draining all colour as he stared back at his unimpressed but smug looking son. So he knew.

He knew. He knew. He knew.

All of a sudden the room felt too small for Yunho, as if all air was sucked out of it, as if the space was pulsing, imploding, waving...and then Changmin hissed in irritation, his hard eyes softening in worry as he saw his father sinking in his seat, looking as if he was seconds away from fainting.

“Yunho...Yunho!” Changmin's voice was that of a child's again, sweet and worried and slightly panicked, demanding his father to be the reliably adult explaining him the world.

“Yunho...Daddy, it's okay.” His small body fought the urge to walk around the desk and into Yunho's lifeless arms for a second, before he licked his lips and then quickly followed the silent demand of his body, his arms reaching up around Yunho's neck as he climbed into his father's lap.

Yunho was still too shocked than doing much more than closing his numb arms around Changmin's body. His heart was beating too fast, his legs shaking, his teeth biting into his lower lip without him really noticing.

It were Changmin's small fingers pulling that fleshy lower lip from under the pressure of Yunho's teeth, before the small boy cupped his father's pale cheeks with his warm palms. He made sure that Yunho was looking into his eyes as he calmly spoke to his father.

“Yunho, listen. It's okay. It's okay. I...well I figured that you love him since a while ago. I...you know. It was really obvious as you brought home that woman looking a lot like Jae.”

Yunho took a shuddering intake of air and forced his eyes to clearly focus on Changmin. The boy relaxed as he saw his father's pale skin gaining back some colour.

Yunho tightened his arms around Changmin's small body and slowly relaxed into his seat as Changmin pressed closer against his body, his small face searching for its favorite spot in the crook of Yunho's neck.

'It's okay. It's okay. Changmin said it's okay.'

He felt Changmin sighing in relieve as he calmed down slowly. The boy squirmed in his arms, until he leaned comfortably against Yunho's chest.

“I don't need anybody else...” Changmin's whisper was barely audible, but Yunho nodded a second later. “I want...” Changmin paused for a second and licked his lips, eyes quickly glancing up at Yunho and then looking down again, a faint blush painting his cheeks an adorable pink.

“You want?” Yunho's voice sounded rough and he made up for it by kissing the top of Changmin's head, running his fingers through the dark locks, before leaning his head against his son's.

Changmin took a shaking intake of air and that moment Yunho knew that Changmin was about to share something intimate, something important. Maybe a wish deep from his small heart.

“I want no one to break us three apart.” He pressed his face back against his father's skin, the next sentence mumbled, as if he was afraid of his own wish. “I want you to love Jae. I want Jae to love you. I want...” His small fingers clutched Yunho's shirt and twisted the fabric nervously. “I want us to stay together forever.”

Yunho stared blankly ahead as he listened to his son's voice dulling down to a whisper, giving the otherwise silence of the room a strange, surreal feeling, as if they were captured in a moment free of gravity.

“I want you to love Jae.”


Somewhere a door slammed shut and the strange moment was gone, Changmin's fingertips brushing along the crook of Yunho's neck, dragging a little bit of the magic of their shared moment along his tingling skin.

Changmin slipped down from Yunho's lap and made his way to the hallway to welcome back his older brother. He paused just a split second at the door frame, looked back at his father and smiled.

Yunho smiled back, a secret in both their eyes, shut away securely to only the two of them to know, as Changmin closed the door behind himself.

-


It took Jaejoong another half a week, but eventually, just as every other time something had bothered the boy, Yunho found him nervous and at the edge of crying in front of his bedroom door late at night.

Yunho wordlessly closed his arms around Jaejoong's pale and cold body, suppressing his own shivers as Jaejoong's body nuzzled closer to his, searching for warmth as well as hiding his unshed tears, pressing his face against Yunho's chest.

Yunho led them into his bed, pulled the boy close against his body and sighed as Jaejoong rested his head upon his chest. His fingers run through Jaejoong's soft hair, mussing it with his fingertips, until Jaejoong relaxed in content.

Another silent moment passed and then Jaejoong's soft voice spoke up.

“She...was really beautiful.” He paused, and Yunho felt long lashes brushing the skin on his chest, before the boy spoke again. “...Is it because you miss mother? Because you feel lonely and cold at night?”

Pretending not to know what the boy was talking about was out of the question, and Yunho did not even waste a second thinking about how to make the boy believe that he knew nothing of what he tried to say. To where this conversation was leading to.


He simply waited, his arms around Jaejoong tightening, while he turned his body to the site, facing Jaejoong, who looked down bashfully.

“Yunho...I...”

Jaejoong sighed and pressed his lips shut, eyebrows twitching as he was just about to cry again.

Yunho gently cupped his older son's face in his warm palms, lifting his face to his eyes as he watched Jaejoong gathering courage. The boy shuddered, bit down his bottom lip and then quickly glanced into Yunho's dark eyes, before dropping them back to the ground. But his fingers...his fingers searched for Yunho's hands, eventually coming up to cover those large palms cupping his cheeks with his own.

He held onto Yunho's hands and breathed, sweet air escaping his trembling lips a moment later, before he looked up at his stepfather again, eyes shimmering with something meaningful that touched Yunho in a way nothing else had ever touched him that deep.

“Yunho...” Jaejoong breathed out, as his eyes fluttered shut, while his body leaned into Yunho's, his soft lips touching his stepfather's in a delicate butterfly kiss.

Jaejoong sighed into the soft kiss and Yunho sucked down the sweet air escaping Jaejoong's lips. He was very still, motionless against Jaejoong, everything about this one moment, their moment careful and tender, his arms around Jaejoong the only firm grip of reality that made sense to the older man.

Jaejoong's cheeks were a faint pink as he leaned down against Yunho's lips again and softy whispered against the pulsing velvet:

“I can be your warmth. I can be the one to dispel your loneliness...”

Yunho closed his eyes and felt Jaejoong's soft lips moving against his own, the boy's body trembling in his hold as he leaned even closer, his fingers interlocking with Yunho's as he pressed another feather-light kiss against Yunho's lips.

They lay in silence then, side by side, fingers still entwined as Jaejoong slowly fell asleep, securely in Yunho's arms. There was a strange and tender feeling of touched and here and now wrapping itself around their sleeping bodies, making them glow faintly in the darkness of the night, illuminated by love.



Love



-


Next Chapter: (here)


A/N: this was NOT edited. good night :'D

so. Changmin yearning for some sort of “parents”, the start of Jaejoong realizing that
he loves Yunho, and Yunho's failed attempt to be in bitter-sweet denial haha :)

This chapter was all about Jaejoong's tender emotions for Yunho, since Yunho already
realized his feelings for Jae in the last chapter. I'd say now that things are clear to both
of them and with Jae bordering on the tender age of fifteen...everything is ready for the
YunJae to start! :)

(hahaha BTW: who the fuck is Mrs. Hwang??? :'DDD well make an appropriate guess!)

EDIT: haha omg. Yun Jae are still trending over twitter :'D




 
 
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